My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
