i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
