Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
