i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
