i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
