did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
