why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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