meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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