You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
