Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
