i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
