so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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