Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
