Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
