The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize