but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
