So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
