first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
