Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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