I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if only i could text you this smell
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
