Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
