There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
