I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I supernannyed him into submission
I think i got beer on your cat.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
