You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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