dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
