Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
