Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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