So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
