Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
