The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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