i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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