you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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