it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
