I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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