i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
