Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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