Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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