it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
