why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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