I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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