Ambien. No doubt about it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
