My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
