I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
