shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
