pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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