So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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