Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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