ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
