filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
