Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
