Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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