Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
