also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
