we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
