so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
