so explain again why im purple
no
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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