the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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