Umm I'm too high to move.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh god it's open bar.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
