Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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