Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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