And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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