my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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