I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
