my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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