I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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