we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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