i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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