"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
