After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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