The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
