Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
