I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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