Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
my liver is dry heaving
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
